So… here’s what happened.
Last month I started noticing a funny feeling in my chest that I definitely wouldn’t call pain, it wasn’t even really discomfort, it just didn’t feel quite right. I thought maybe it was from stress, or too much caffeine, or I don’t know.. not taking my b-12? I did all of the things and made small lifestyle corrections to see if it would go away. It did not.
After a week or so of wondering about this, I realized this feeling was familiar. I had felt it before when I was a teenager, when I was about 60 pounds heavier.
Out of curiosity I grabbed my scale and was surprised to find that I had gained about 20 pounds in 2018. (Later I plugged this number into a health app and learned it was actually more like 30 pounds, and also that I can’t be trusted to do math on my own.)
Even though I’m lucky to have access to workout and nutrition programs that I love, last year I lost touch with my community, and lost my motivation. I also really struggled to navigate the fitness world on my own with a body positive mindset — I found that most of the time, those two things didn’t overlap even though I thought they needed to. Following fitness accounts on Instagram meant seeing one progress photo after another, with women nitpicking their own perceived flaws, projecting those flaws onto unsuspecting viewers; body positive accounts claimed that any type of diet plan was toxic, anyone talking about fitness was evil, and that loving your body meant that there was no valid reason to lose weight, period.
I was desperately looking for a middle ground. I stopped talking about fitness because I couldn’t really figure out the right way, and I didn’t want to offend anybody.
I unfollowed all of those accounts, to try and find my voice again.
I figured that if I was having trouble finding a leader who shared my values, other women might be having that problem as well. I promised myself I would recommit in 2019, and that once I made some traction on my own journey, I would start talking about it.
The goals I set in January were pretty simple.
One of my New Year’s resolutions was to get more active, but ONLY in ways that felt good and made me really happy. I started a 3-week home workout program that I had done in the past and enjoyed. I got a Disneyland Annual Pass, and walk about 7 miles every time I go — sorry, calves! (I was about to say that my AP is probably cheaper than a gym membership, but then I Googled it, so now I have to stop telling myself that lie. More fun than a gym membership, though?)
I also set a goal to cook at home more to save money, and started doing weekly meal prep. Although I plan to get a little more structured next month, this month I didn’t measure or count anything, or follow any kind of meal plan. If you follow my IG you know I definitely still did partake in some Disney food, I just tried to make sure that if I did go to a restaurant it was because I really wanted to, not out of habit or convenience. Plus, all that walking will make a bitch hungry.
I almost didn’t mention this one because there’s a lot to unpack with dietbets! I think this topic probably deserves its own post entirely. I’ve done three over the last few years and this is the first one I’ve won, but even the two I lost were positive experiences for me because they served as reminders to stay focused on my habits. I did not care about winning, and if you think losing a dietbet will make you feel bad in any way, definitely do not do it. If getting on the scale influences how you’re going to feel about yourself that day, don’t do it.
That’s all! I plan on repeating the same 3-week home workout program in February and would love some pals to do it with me. If that interests you, please reach out! Otherwise, look for another update this time next month!